Open Letter: Learning to love my body as a desi plus-size woman

Dear little me (Sofia),

You would think that by now, the world would be kinder or more understanding. But, it's still the same. I won't lie and say that it's easier as an adult. It's still hard being big and brown. I know how hard it was for you to find contentment and juggle the toxicity of our culture. For so long, you thought you were alone on this journey. But don't worry, there are so many others who feel the same and understand you. You’re no longer alone.

The discrimination against plus-sized individuals is still real and strong, but as an adult, you learn that most people within the Desi culture will never learn to be understanding or kind towards you. You'll continue to hear that only those who are light-skinned, thin and with long, luxurious hair are beautiful. They’ll tell you to keep your mouth shut and lose weight if you want to be pretty.

But, I'm here to tell you that's not true at all. Small-minded people will always have something to say. I know, that's something that you probably don’t want to hear, but I reassure you that it does get better. Eventually, you’ll value yourself. You'll find others who adore you just the way you are—blemishes, stretch marks and all. You'll finally learn to love yourself even at your biggest size.

Yes, you'll still be the largest amongst your friends and family based on your age, and I know that's something that won't make you happy to hear. But, you'll finally be able to feel pretty. Most days will still feel bumpy, but you’ll feel beautiful here and there. It's a never-ending battle within yourself. However, it does get better.

I still remember the long nights when you’d ask yourself— “how can someone this size ever be happy?”—wondering if you could ever become beautiful to others. What I've learned—after such a hard time of growing up with constant looks of disapproval and fat jokes— is that the only person that can make me happy is me. I couldn't have, and still can't, change the minds of others; but I can change how I think of myself. As Taylor Swift once said, "It’s me, Hi, I’m the problem, It’s me.”

I’d like to leave you with one final note. When I look back at old photos, I wish I could hug you and tell you that you were never unattractive or fat. You were (and still are) healthy, beautiful and skinny. You deserved better, and it pains me to look back at certain photos knowing what was going on behind the scenes.

I hope that we get a happy ending— whatever the shape or size of our body might be. I wish I had been kinder to you. You were only a child. I wish I loved you more and appreciated the body we had. I'm so sorry for letting others and the world around us impact us so negatively.

I do hope that we learn to love ourselves, even in a world that doesn't deserve us. So, please hug yourself tight today. It's a forever ongoing battle to learn how to love yourself, but with the right mindset and support, it'll work out.

Lots of love and more,

Sofia